As the Sarah Turns: Everything down the drain from here

Just a brief meandering: The cop cuddled with me in the mind last night again... What followed was a pretty terrible nightmare where I was in my car and my driver's window and windshield was smashed like they were hit with a baseball bat or something. It was like I was sleeping in my sleep and I awake in my car with the smashed windows and some man whose face I did not see was standing right outside my door with a deadly death threat. While I have a hard time in grappling with some guys in my mind, how much can the story of a dream be controlled? Was I really being given a real death threat? I woke right up when I saw the man standing outside my door and my heart was racing. ..... I think I had a mild heart attack on another occasion that I had a nightmare. ........ Giovanni, shaking my head, both sweeping me off my feet and keeping me played at the same time. I really don't think the "Paris is overrated," is enough of a save, but it is some kind of save. What could I expect anyway with the obscenities I was shouting at you with yesterday? That much more actually. I know I got some morning sex in the head too on another occassion, but it was some other mystery woman being put on the spotlight. Giovanni, you're the one who is still pursuing me while giving me another mixed signal. ...... I'm upset and mad still at what some of the signs were and the fact that both of you guys are still being Bollywood on me like I'll ever see you in person.... I really don't have the emotional energy to put any effort on my end. It breaks my heart when you guys make some kind of effort anyway. Besides the effort, I think Giovanni is still too insensitive. The cop has me intuitively guessing if he really means to give me some real death threat. I think I'm going to get lost and go AWOL anyway. I don't really have a set date or serious plan when I'll have my one night stand and I don't know how heartless I'll be about it either, but I'm just getting lost and away from it knowing I'll never be in control of whatever arbitrage does appear before me. I don't know where half of the arbitrage stockholms come from......